Don't? [Kira offers Marco a most unimpressed stare and he's quick to close the gap between them, his stand hovering just behind him.] Did you say don't?
I'm sorry... you said don't last time as well. Don't kill the ones that killed me. Don't kill Kishibe Rohan a known and vile Fog Cultist, the one who also tore out my organs and lynched me in Dyster. Don't kill Kujo Jotaro the man who basically pushed me under the ambulance that ran over my skull and killed me in Morioh. Don't kill Josuke the very bane of my existence. Don't kill the girl I hired and was ever so kind to during her employment, a girl who came into her employer's home with a weapon and smashed his skull in when he did quite literally nothing to her. Don't kill these people you say.
I see... So who should I kill then Marco? Or should I let these things keep happening? Should I just allow fourth followers and ungrateful ingrates to walk all over me and do as they please because they take issue with the way I live my life?
No, I think not. That doesn't get to happen anymore. I will kill that little girl in due time and all her friends and I will take great satisfaction in it. I have Killer Queen and while I have been upsettingly unlucky as of late things are turning around. I will blow away everyone and I will live my life the way I deserve to.
[There's this thing about Kira - the thing where he can seemingly twist any situation to make it sound like he is perfectly innocent and in the right - and Marco isn't sure if he finds it scary or just utterly frustrating to deal with.]
Wh-- What would the point be, Kira? [Marco huffs, trying to get some of that frustration out of his system. That was too sharp. He needs to tone it down.] Someone else would just take you out again, people would just keep going on and on about how awful you are. That doesn't seem like the way to get some peace and quiet to me.
[Something occurs to him. Something he isn't sure if he really should mention.
But if there's even the slightest chance it'll get Kira to think about things in a different light...]
... You know, I ran into Josuke. He visited you while you were asleep last month.
I'm sure this must sound... very, very odd. Considering everything. But I couldn't help but think he cares about you at least as much as I do, for some reason. Heck, maybe he wants the same thing I do.
[Unfortunately Marco isn't wrong. Susan seems to have many allies that would kill him one after another if given the chance. There aren't people here that would do that for him. And he can't fight everyone on his own.
He would if he could. But with the limitation on Killer Queen... it's too much for one person.
But he also can't just let people do this to him. That isn't right either. But he doesn't really have too much time to dwell on it because Marco brings up the ever interesting thorn in his side.
What matters is what Marco is saying. And it's... it's curious and it forces him to pause and think which had to be the intent the squid was going for.
The memories from the dreamscape are hard to collect and his feelings about Josuke are cloudy at best but there is one absolute truth he knows and can correct when it comes to this statement that's just been brought forth.]
Josuke does not care about me. And neither do you. No one does. That's sort of the problem, is it not? I have a host of enemies... and no friends. Which is fine. [After what Susan posted on the network... after all that's been said and done and seen... Lucius and Draco (Mitsuhide as far as he knows is in prison.) There isn't a single soul on his side.
The very cult he joins can't be bothered when Fog followers kill you so...
It's of no great matter. He's been all alone his whole life and now that he has Killer Queen back there really isn't any need to feel miserable about the way things are.
At this thought the stand gently nudges at him, his own consciousness reconfirming the pink cat's existence. It is real and here in this horrible hell scape of a world. This is all he needs. He doesn't need fixing or lectures, and he certainly doesn't need friends especially if the goal of these "friends" is for him to be anything other than this version of himself who is trying so very hard to be happy.
He tugs at one of his loose bangs wishing very much he still had that elated feeling in his chest and that he hadn't run into Marco. Nothing that's been said here was worth a fraction of his time. And there is very little that can ever be said that will make him change the way he is. There are very few people in this world that have the power to do that and he's quite sure Marco and Josuke are not those people.]
What I want and what you and Josuke want are two very different things and therefore I'm not interested. Your intentions seem admirable but they're most certainly not for the right reasons. They're not for me. They're for you. They're so I don't become some kind of threat to our cult. But not once were they for me. And I know exactly what Josuke wants... He wants me dead. And that's what he's gotten, a few times now. Unfortunately for him it doesn't seem to stick.
[Frustrating. The scales have definitely tipped to the "frustrating" side.]
The little you, he-- [Marco stops himself. Tries again.] ... There was a little kid version of you in your... in your head. He said I was your friend. Now of course I wasn't so sure about that, but then, when I ran into you... You almost looked like you agreed. [A somewhat bitter undertone slips into his voice as he continues:] I suppose you changed your mind when you decided I was a "good man" after all.
[Which is a claim Marco simply can't bring himself to agree with, even faced with a man who has killed God knows how many women to satisfy his desires. He committed a crime, he hid it from everyone - everyone who unknowingly expressed their sympathies to a mournful son who was a killer all along - and now he's being tested and he knows he's already slipped too far and so do his ever watchful parents.
They want to speak. They're calling his name. Marco steels himself to at least finish this conversation.]
That's not what I'm doing. I'm not worried about you being a threat to the-- For crying out loud, it's not a cult, it's...
[He furrows his brow hard.]
... Can you honestly say you've never felt bad about what you do? Not even once?
[Not all that uncommon but Kira doesn't really know what Marco is talking about. The dreamscapes are pretty scrambled and he doesn't remember a great deal just yet. His brain has not really had a chance to settle and process everything. The month long sleep was simply to repair all the damage people had done inside.
So he tugs on his bangs, watching Marco huff and puff, slightly confused if nothing else.]
Correct me if I'm wrong. [He knows he isn't. (He's absolutely going to be.)] But you can be friends with someone and still not care about them. There's no obligation to any of it. I consider you and Lucius and Mitsuhide and... [Hm. That might be it.] Friends. Truly. But I'm not about to die or put any further thought into your well beings. It may cross my mind from time to time. Oh, I hope Lucius is doing well and his son got home safe this time. But that doesn't mean anything. They're just passing notions. And in turn, you may consider me a friend but I don't expect or believe you care about me. That'd be absurd.
[Kira Yoshikage, has never had a friend in his life until coming to Ryslig. If that wasn't strikingly obvious.]
Josuke asked me a similar question... In... In the dreams, maybe. He asked me if I ever cared about anyone before. Really and truly cared. I don't remember my answer... though I can guess... Because I see her, quite vividly, sitting where Reimi was. And I can hear her calling a name that isn't mine...
If you asking if I've ever felt bad for anything I've ever done? Because the answer would then be yes. I feel bad for the position this woman is in now. The position I have placed her in due to certain actions on my part.
If you're asking if I feel bad for the murders I've committed the answer is no. I've felt anxiety and fear at being caught but never once have I held the hand of a woman and thought that I'd done a terrible thing. I know they're not good things but I'm not about to feel bad about it. That's no way to live a happy life.
[For a moment there, Marco is flabbergasted. You can be friends with someone and not care about them? What? Does Kira understand what friendship is?
(Is this his parents' fault, too?)
But the moment passes, and Marco can't bring it up. Instead, he has to listen to the answer he wasn't hoping for. The answer he expected.
He's tired, but yet, he can't help but feel like he can't waste the chance to pull at whatever heartstrings Kira might have.]
... Do you want to tell me about that woman? The one you feel bad for?
[If Marco sat down, remembered all the information Kira has given him and tried to put it together, he might realise who Kira is talking about. Right now, though, he doesn't really have the capacity to do that.]
[The question forces him to give pause and really think. Does he want to talk about Shinobu? His thoughts drift to her often but that doesn't mean as much as it seems. He's already accepted some things and now he just has to move past them. If he speaks of her too much... something horrible might come to pass.]
I'm hesitant too... I'm afraid, really and truly afraid of the Fog Witch's vindictiveness. How does she decide who should suffer on her little island of horrors? I imagine she brought me here to torture the ones in Morioh and vice versa. She brings people with already grave struggles and seeks to harm them further. You who has committed one murder that nearly tore your psyche apart must now commit hundreds.
If I speak of her. If I say her name out loud... I fear the Fog Witch might pluck her from Morioh and put here here. It would be of no benefit to me, with this face I do not look like the man I was pretending to be. She does not know me. And then she will have to suffer. There are few things crueler than that, and I would have to watch or perhaps keep my distance knowing she's here while the wicked people of this world spread their thoughts about me.
No. I cannot risk the witch bringing her here. And if she ever does there is no force in this world that will stop me from finding this so called God and tearing her apart.
[And that may be the most sincere Kira has been in a long long time.]
[Well. Good then. He's said more than he cares to about things far too personal. That would make both Josuke and Marco the two people here that know far too much about him.]
I know many people don't think too kindly of me. And that's within their rights. But, I will say, I'm quite dedicated in the efforts to get home. I don't intend to change who I am for it though. But, when it comes to defeating her, that is something I'm behind one hundred percent.
[Of course Kira doesn't intend to change himself. That much has become saddeningly clear. Yet... Marco can't quite give up the hope that change will happen regardless. Maybe it would take a miracle, but... he IS a man of faith.]
It's just... Well... [How should he put it?] Acting too much like one of her people, that's not... It's not good.
[He doesn't need to hear the preaching of a priest. Especially when it's wrong.]
The Fourth God doesn't seem to mind how I do things. When I spoke to him he seemed to have the same understanding that I do about people.
He made me a lovely promise. A promise that's going to punish everyone when he wins. Perhaps it's not acting as her people but as just people in general. The Fog Witch didn't create violence. It's been in us all along. People are violent and cruel. The fog emplifies it no doubt but she doesn't cause it. If we believe that then we're passing blame for things and denying who we are as people.
And if she is not the cause of violence then the Fourth has no reason to be against it.
No offense to you, Marco, but I don't think you understand our God very well. I think the only person who does is Mr. Malfoy. He certainly sees things the way I do, and it's quite nice.
[Unfortunately, Marco is stubborn, not to mention more than a little deluded, and so, as Kira says all that and Marco grows increasingly irritated, his thoughts wander off in parallel directions - whether Kira is lying or just misunderstanding things, what reasons he would have to lie, the likelihood that this is just him twisting things to fit his own worldview, as he seems to have a tendency to do so...
... That said, Marco is almost grateful for the chance to gripe about something tangible and certain.]
You're friends with Lucius. Of all people. Right, I nearly forgot.
[The comment causes Kira to smirk. Everything that he said is ignored for a quip at his good friend.
Poor Marco. When the world collapses right under him it will truly be a sight Kira does not want to miss.]
Mister Malfoy is a charming and brilliant man. You should give him a chance. Maybe you can save him too.
[Tightening his tie just so, Kira makes to leave. There's no point in pressing or mentioning that Marco avoided all points of interest but that's fine. Silence says everything sometimes.]
[This comment forces Kira to pause. It's just so... ludacris to hear from Marco.
Is Lucius a good person in what he would call, Marco's world? No. Probably not. There is something beneath the surface that Kira finds interesting. He and Mister Malfoy do not discuss such things but there is a mutual understanding that they will both do what they have to in this world. They ate not what Marco would call good people.]
Yes, Goblins are very low class in his magical world. As are merfolk. But we're not actually these creatures you know. And we don't intend to stay this way. Who cares what he says? The end goal is not to be these abominations that we hate. I don't care for any of the monsters. And I understand why he feels the same.
Have you grown to like this version of yourself, Marco? Do you perhaps want to stay the way you are?
[If Kira thinks Marco hasn't thought about the sentiment behind his words, he is wrong. Marco hates it. It's deeply irrational in a way that can only be explained if he no longer identifies as a human, which means that is precisely what has happened to him, and it makes him want to scream.]
That's why I have to stop her. [He's very, very quiet.] What she's done to-- What she's doing to us all is unforgivable.
I don't disagree. What you want and what I want aren't so different. But this is a war, is it not? Defeating the Fog god and warring against her followers...
[He dismisses Killer Queen and steps back towards Marco, hands firmly on his hips and expression rather impassive.]
Now, I don't know much about that sort of thing. I was born after the great wars and never lived in a time where my country had to fight in one. I've only ever lived in a peaceful time. But I do know some things... And I know that in a situation like this it doesn't matter how you fight or win just that you do.
War is filled with terrible things... And the losers suffer horribly and no one talks about what is done. That is the kind of mentality we must go in with. You should be glad to have people like Mister Malfoy and myself on your side. We can do what you cannot. And we will without hesitation. Without regret. And you and all the other fourth followers can turn your nose up to it and threaten my place here but you'd be wrong to do so.
Imagine life here if she wins... Imagine what she'll do to you if she ever gets her claws into one of our God's priests... If she gets her claws into our Fourth God himself.
Unspeakable thing are done to the losers... and there is no comfort in the aftermath. There is no peace. It will be with you always. No one remembers the losers, Marco. No one cares what happens to them.
[Marco lets him talk, in part because he isn't immediately sure what to say.
If he said he doesn't like war, he'd just be proving Kira's point, wouldn't he? And if he said this isn't a war... Well, he's not entirely sure he wouldn't be lying.
Fundamentally, he doesn't agree with Kira. But as for whether that's out of pure stubbornness, he can't say. Right now, no better arguments occur to him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'm sorry... you said don't last time as well. Don't kill the ones that killed me. Don't kill Kishibe Rohan a known and vile Fog Cultist, the one who also tore out my organs and lynched me in Dyster. Don't kill Kujo Jotaro the man who basically pushed me under the ambulance that ran over my skull and killed me in Morioh. Don't kill Josuke the very bane of my existence. Don't kill the girl I hired and was ever so kind to during her employment, a girl who came into her employer's home with a weapon and smashed his skull in when he did quite literally nothing to her. Don't kill these people you say.
I see... So who should I kill then Marco? Or should I let these things keep happening? Should I just allow fourth followers and ungrateful ingrates to walk all over me and do as they please because they take issue with the way I live my life?
No, I think not. That doesn't get to happen anymore. I will kill that little girl in due time and all her friends and I will take great satisfaction in it. I have Killer Queen and while I have been upsettingly unlucky as of late things are turning around. I will blow away everyone and I will live my life the way I deserve to.
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Wh-- What would the point be, Kira? [Marco huffs, trying to get some of that frustration out of his system. That was too sharp. He needs to tone it down.] Someone else would just take you out again, people would just keep going on and on about how awful you are. That doesn't seem like the way to get some peace and quiet to me.
[Something occurs to him. Something he isn't sure if he really should mention.
But if there's even the slightest chance it'll get Kira to think about things in a different light...]
... You know, I ran into Josuke. He visited you while you were asleep last month.
I'm sure this must sound... very, very odd. Considering everything. But I couldn't help but think he cares about you at least as much as I do, for some reason. Heck, maybe he wants the same thing I do.
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He would if he could. But with the limitation on Killer Queen... it's too much for one person.
But he also can't just let people do this to him. That isn't right either. But he doesn't really have too much time to dwell on it because Marco brings up the ever interesting thorn in his side.
Josuke.
He has a message from the boy in his inbox that says Josuke had come and taken his two of cats while he was asleep. Interestingly enough he and Josuke just spent some time together. The boy has become a poodle monster and it's truly a hilarious situation. He found Josuke in his trash out back. Less amusing was giving him a bath and combing out his fur because he wouldn't just stay in the apartment upstairs like a good dog and he had to be down in the café-- None of this matters.
What matters is what Marco is saying. And it's... it's curious and it forces him to pause and think which had to be the intent the squid was going for.
The memories from the dreamscape are hard to collect and his feelings about Josuke are cloudy at best but there is one absolute truth he knows and can correct when it comes to this statement that's just been brought forth.]
Josuke does not care about me. And neither do you. No one does. That's sort of the problem, is it not? I have a host of enemies... and no friends. Which is fine. [After what Susan posted on the network... after all that's been said and done and seen... Lucius and Draco (Mitsuhide as far as he knows is in prison.) There isn't a single soul on his side.
The very cult he joins can't be bothered when Fog followers kill you so...
It's of no great matter. He's been all alone his whole life and now that he has Killer Queen back there really isn't any need to feel miserable about the way things are.
At this thought the stand gently nudges at him, his own consciousness reconfirming the pink cat's existence. It is real and here in this horrible hell scape of a world. This is all he needs. He doesn't need fixing or lectures, and he certainly doesn't need friends especially if the goal of these "friends" is for him to be anything other than this version of himself who is trying so very hard to be happy.
He tugs at one of his loose bangs wishing very much he still had that elated feeling in his chest and that he hadn't run into Marco. Nothing that's been said here was worth a fraction of his time. And there is very little that can ever be said that will make him change the way he is. There are very few people in this world that have the power to do that and he's quite sure Marco and Josuke are not those people.]
What I want and what you and Josuke want are two very different things and therefore I'm not interested. Your intentions seem admirable but they're most certainly not for the right reasons. They're not for me. They're for you. They're so I don't become some kind of threat to our cult. But not once were they for me. And I know exactly what Josuke wants... He wants me dead. And that's what he's gotten, a few times now. Unfortunately for him it doesn't seem to stick.
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The little you, he-- [Marco stops himself. Tries again.] ... There was a little kid version of you in your... in your head. He said I was your friend. Now of course I wasn't so sure about that, but then, when I ran into you... You almost looked like you agreed. [A somewhat bitter undertone slips into his voice as he continues:] I suppose you changed your mind when you decided I was a "good man" after all.
[Which is a claim Marco simply can't bring himself to agree with, even faced with a man who has killed God knows how many women to satisfy his desires. He committed a crime, he hid it from everyone - everyone who unknowingly expressed their sympathies to a mournful son who was a killer all along - and now he's being tested and he knows he's already slipped too far and so do his ever watchful parents.
They want to speak. They're calling his name. Marco steels himself to at least finish this conversation.]
That's not what I'm doing. I'm not worried about you being a threat to the-- For crying out loud, it's not a cult, it's...
[He furrows his brow hard.]
... Can you honestly say you've never felt bad about what you do? Not even once?
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So he tugs on his bangs, watching Marco huff and puff, slightly confused if nothing else.]
Correct me if I'm wrong. [He knows he isn't. (He's absolutely going to be.)] But you can be friends with someone and still not care about them. There's no obligation to any of it. I consider you and Lucius and Mitsuhide and... [Hm. That might be it.] Friends. Truly. But I'm not about to die or put any further thought into your well beings. It may cross my mind from time to time. Oh, I hope Lucius is doing well and his son got home safe this time. But that doesn't mean anything. They're just passing notions. And in turn, you may consider me a friend but I don't expect or believe you care about me. That'd be absurd.
[Kira Yoshikage, has never had a friend in his life until coming to Ryslig. If that wasn't strikingly obvious.]
Josuke asked me a similar question... In... In the dreams, maybe. He asked me if I ever cared about anyone before. Really and truly cared. I don't remember my answer... though I can guess... Because I see her, quite vividly, sitting where Reimi was. And I can hear her calling a name that isn't mine...
If you asking if I've ever felt bad for anything I've ever done? Because the answer would then be yes. I feel bad for the position this woman is in now. The position I have placed her in due to certain actions on my part.
If you're asking if I feel bad for the murders I've committed the answer is no. I've felt anxiety and fear at being caught but never once have I held the hand of a woman and thought that I'd done a terrible thing. I know they're not good things but I'm not about to feel bad about it. That's no way to live a happy life.
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(Is this his parents' fault, too?)
But the moment passes, and Marco can't bring it up. Instead, he has to listen to the answer he wasn't hoping for. The answer he expected.
He's tired, but yet, he can't help but feel like he can't waste the chance to pull at whatever heartstrings Kira might have.]
... Do you want to tell me about that woman? The one you feel bad for?
[If Marco sat down, remembered all the information Kira has given him and tried to put it together, he might realise who Kira is talking about. Right now, though, he doesn't really have the capacity to do that.]
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I'm hesitant too... I'm afraid, really and truly afraid of the Fog Witch's vindictiveness. How does she decide who should suffer on her little island of horrors? I imagine she brought me here to torture the ones in Morioh and vice versa. She brings people with already grave struggles and seeks to harm them further. You who has committed one murder that nearly tore your psyche apart must now commit hundreds.
If I speak of her. If I say her name out loud... I fear the Fog Witch might pluck her from Morioh and put here here. It would be of no benefit to me, with this face I do not look like the man I was pretending to be. She does not know me. And then she will have to suffer. There are few things crueler than that, and I would have to watch or perhaps keep my distance knowing she's here while the wicked people of this world spread their thoughts about me.
No. I cannot risk the witch bringing her here. And if she ever does there is no force in this world that will stop me from finding this so called God and tearing her apart.
[And that may be the most sincere Kira has been in a long long time.]
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Marco's mouth stretches into a faint, lopsided smile.]
That's fine. I think I've heard enough.
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I know many people don't think too kindly of me. And that's within their rights. But, I will say, I'm quite dedicated in the efforts to get home. I don't intend to change who I am for it though. But, when it comes to defeating her, that is something I'm behind one hundred percent.
I wouldn't be here if I wasn't.
That should be enough, don't you think?
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It's just... Well... [How should he put it?] Acting too much like one of her people, that's not... It's not good.
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The Fourth God doesn't seem to mind how I do things. When I spoke to him he seemed to have the same understanding that I do about people.
He made me a lovely promise. A promise that's going to punish everyone when he wins. Perhaps it's not acting as her people but as just people in general. The Fog Witch didn't create violence. It's been in us all along. People are violent and cruel. The fog emplifies it no doubt but she doesn't cause it. If we believe that then we're passing blame for things and denying who we are as people.
And if she is not the cause of violence then the Fourth has no reason to be against it.
No offense to you, Marco, but I don't think you understand our God very well. I think the only person who does is Mr. Malfoy. He certainly sees things the way I do, and it's quite nice.
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... That said, Marco is almost grateful for the chance to gripe about something tangible and certain.]
You're friends with Lucius. Of all people. Right, I nearly forgot.
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Poor Marco. When the world collapses right under him it will truly be a sight Kira does not want to miss.]
Mister Malfoy is a charming and brilliant man. You should give him a chance. Maybe you can save him too.
[Tightening his tie just so, Kira makes to leave. There's no point in pressing or mentioning that Marco avoided all points of interest but that's fine. Silence says everything sometimes.]
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[But Kira is already leaving. This doesn't stop Marco from continuing to nag as he goes, though:]
Look, he has some very troubling views on merfolk-- You know, I'm fairly sure he hated goblins until he became one!
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Is Lucius a good person in what he would call, Marco's world? No. Probably not. There is something beneath the surface that Kira finds interesting. He and Mister Malfoy do not discuss such things but there is a mutual understanding that they will both do what they have to in this world. They ate not what Marco would call good people.]
Yes, Goblins are very low class in his magical world. As are merfolk. But we're not actually these creatures you know. And we don't intend to stay this way. Who cares what he says? The end goal is not to be these abominations that we hate. I don't care for any of the monsters. And I understand why he feels the same.
Have you grown to like this version of yourself, Marco? Do you perhaps want to stay the way you are?
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That's why I have to stop her. [He's very, very quiet.] What she's done to-- What she's doing to us all is unforgivable.
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[He dismisses Killer Queen and steps back towards Marco, hands firmly on his hips and expression rather impassive.]
Now, I don't know much about that sort of thing. I was born after the great wars and never lived in a time where my country had to fight in one. I've only ever lived in a peaceful time. But I do know some things... And I know that in a situation like this it doesn't matter how you fight or win just that you do.
War is filled with terrible things... And the losers suffer horribly and no one talks about what is done. That is the kind of mentality we must go in with. You should be glad to have people like Mister Malfoy and myself on your side. We can do what you cannot. And we will without hesitation. Without regret. And you and all the other fourth followers can turn your nose up to it and threaten my place here but you'd be wrong to do so.
Imagine life here if she wins... Imagine what she'll do to you if she ever gets her claws into one of our God's priests... If she gets her claws into our Fourth God himself.
Unspeakable thing are done to the losers... and there is no comfort in the aftermath. There is no peace. It will be with you always. No one remembers the losers, Marco. No one cares what happens to them.
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If he said he doesn't like war, he'd just be proving Kira's point, wouldn't he? And if he said this isn't a war... Well, he's not entirely sure he wouldn't be lying.
Fundamentally, he doesn't agree with Kira. But as for whether that's out of pure stubbornness, he can't say. Right now, no better arguments occur to him.]
... I'm doing all I can.
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[It's rhetorical and he doesn't need to hear an answer especially if Marco is just going to say yes.
So Kira gives the Mer one last observing look before turning away. If nothing else maybe he gave the blond something to chew on. Probably not though.]