Marco's Heart

[peccatore]

You find yourself in a bright white, circular room. It's nearly empty; too bare, almost clinically so. But the bareness of it means that what is visible here stands out:

A podium in the center, where a familiar figure sits, head buried in his hands. Three paths running from the podium to three different spots near the edges of the room - not corners; circles don't have corners - where three doors leading seemingly nowhere stand with no regard for their complete lack of structural support.

It doesn't take you long to figure out where you are, does it? You only have to decide where to start.

Comments

[oneknightsstand]

Which I guess would out you to the live audience and the cameras?

[peccatore]

"Yes."

"Which..." Hey, the girl with the bob cut is talking again. "Is pretty damn weird. I mean, you're missin' context 'cause Marco doesn't remember enough for a more elaborate framin' device yet, but this shit was a freakin'... tournament for magical people or whatever. And now it turns out he's a vampire?"

Mr. Kinra looks beyond offended.

"Why the hell are you telling him that?! That's my job!"

She shrugs. "Liked his vibes too."

[oneknightsstand]

[he gives her a big grin and a thumbs up]

Wait, why is it a big issue to out him as a vampire if the tournament is for people like vampires...?

[he asks the girl with the bob cut directly, sorry Mr. Kinra uwu.]

[peccatore]

"... 'Cause a bunch of the fights were rigged to frame the people in 'em as dangerous," she says. "And he was fundin' this in secret."

[oneknightsstand]

Oooh. Buddy. [wrinkles his nose at Marco] Why? Do you remember yet?

[peccatore]

"... I do. It's... why you're here."

Marco looks deeply ashamed.

[oneknightsstand]

Because you're stuck in what it means that you did this? [comes to sit near him]

[peccatore]

"I-I've remembered what all of this was about, and I can't... I don't... I just don't know how to live with myself. I..."

Unfortunately, one Mr. Kinra doesn't seem keen on letting this conversation continue.

"Sitting down already? There's so much more to see, though!"

[oneknightsstand]

We're just talking, buddy.

Marco...

[peccatore]

Marco starts to curl in on himself again. It won't be easy to "just talk."

"Yeah? Sure, whatever. You got thirty seconds."

... Especially with an obnoxious guide like this guy.

[oneknightsstand]

[slides over to put an arm around Marco, determined to make the most of his thirty seconds]

Making a mistake like this is actually extremely human of you. The self-loathing, the separation of who you are and what you are and what and who others are. That's very human.

So's feeling like you don't know how to live with yourself.

But the answer is always a day at a time, right? When there's no future. The answer is always finding a way forward where you try to reduce harm. It's waking up and feeling the horrible weight of it and then going through that to do better. To see who you are and say, okay, what can I do that'll make a little difference today. And doing that every day. And slowly you'll find that it's a little less heavy and takes up a little less space.

Attacking yourself, harming yourself, torturing yourself, that all takes time away from doing the work. And maybe if you do those little things enough every day you'll start to appreciate yourself again, because you'll have built up enough things you can appreciate.

You can do this. It won't be easy. But I believe in you.

[peccatore]

If nothing else, that gets Marco to look at Kieran again. Really look, and listen. He still doesn't seem to know what to say, but...

Maybe that doesn't matter right now, because the spidery man whistles sharply.

"Aaaaaaaand time!"

Their surroundings start to blur. When they slow down, they coalesce into the back alley of a rainy street at night, with buildings that stretch far into the sky.

Actually, it's San Francisco. Do you know San Francisco, Kieran? It's San Francisco.

[oneknightsstand]

Wait, fuck, where is this? I feel like I've been here before...

[peccatore]

"Huh. You from around here, Father?"

For once, the guide seems just... idly curious.

[oneknightsstand]

No, Jersey.

[peccatore]

"Huh. And here I thought there was gonna be something interesting here. I mean, aside frooom..."

Deeper into the alley, there is the sound of someone slamming their fist into the wall hard enough to crack it.

[oneknightsstand]

Well, there's other reasons I—

[oh. Ok. Gonna go and look down that alley]

[peccatore]

Marco is over there! He's leaning against a wall, looking... perhaps less put-together than you have ever seen him before. His hair looks like it was disheveled even before the rain flattened it down, and his tie is hanging on stubbornly under a collar that certainly isn't as high as Marco seems to prefer.

He looks exhausted. And sort of scruffy.

He slams his fist into the wall again. Then a third time. Then he slides down until he's sitting on the ground, shaking.

"D... Damn it. Damn him...!"

[oneknightsstand]

Hey...

[goes to sit with him]

Can I help?

[peccatore]

Marco gasps; he makes eye contact with Kieran like his presence comes as a shock. He hesitates, averting his eyes--

And then a woman's voice rings out, somewhere above them yet impossibly close.

"Damned son! Letting his thoughts sink into sin!"

"F-Forgive me, mother," Marco mumbles. "Forgive me, father--"

"Begging for forgiveness while his heart sings for a man's blood..." A man's voice, this time. "Oh, poor son. Oh, wretched son."

[oneknightsstand]

Isn't that fine?

[peccatore]

"They--"

The act of ignoring the memory, of wilfully focusing on Kieran instead, seems to take some effort here.

"They're talking about... about how badly I wanted to kill him."

[oneknightsstand]

[nods slowly]

Did you do it? They aren't talking as if you did.

[peccatore]

"... No. I didn't."

[oneknightsstand]

If you want to do something bad very badly, and choose not to, isn't that a good thing? None of us are without sin in our deeds, let alone our thoughts.