[Just a little bit of the tightness leaves his shoulders. Even Marco thinks he was right to go. Marco thinks he was right to react the way he did. All this time in the back of his head he's had the niggling doubt that maybe he was just overreacting -- it did go away, didn't it? He got back what he lost. He can definitely remember Chie ripping his head off again, for better or for worse.]
I went to talk to him, y'know. Elias. After. To ask him -- to ask him why. And he said the same thing. That it wasn't so bad. He didn't mean it to go how it did at the end but that folks losin' parts of themselves was the plan all along.
I know. He confirmed as much when I talked to him.
[Despite his best attempts at relaxing, Marco wrings his hands. The conversation is hedging into a territory that makes him incredibly uneasy.]
He-- He doesn't understand. But that doesn't mean he didn't mean well, you and I have both made our mistakes and we've learned from them, like he needs to learn.
[Of course, as usual, he's only trying to find a string of logic than can reaffirm his beliefs.]
... He's just a child, and... and he's been in the position he's in for so long, he's bound to lose sight of things. We just need to make him understand.
I don't know if I really believe that anymore. I'm -- I'm sorry. But it feels more like we're tryin' to do good in spite of him than alongside him.
I want to try and make things work but I can't ignore that anymore.
[If he does it's just going to happen again. They're just going to get hurt again. Elias has no reason to listen to them. He has plenty of reasons to want to placate them, sure, but that's not precisely the same thing.]
[It feels a bit like his heart just broke a little more-- maybe not his whole heart, no. More like... just the part reserved for poor little Elias, alone and only technically alive in his room.
The next time Marco speaks up, his voice is quieter.]
[That's the hardest part about this. He will always feel awful for Elias. He doesn't hate him, he doesn't wish any harm upon him, but he can't follow him anymore with the same kind of unwavering belief and acceptance.]
Well -- well just look at the past couple of months. At all the things he's done. And every time we've said oh, he meant well didn't he, like that makes any of it better, and then nothin' ever changes. It's just -- every man has a line and he's edging up on mine, is all.
[Marco's mouth hangs open while he searches for some sort of counter-argument. If anything does come to mind, the truth is that he can't piece it together in any way that would make sense to anybody but him - and that, he has been realising, can be a cause for concern.]
Um...
[He can't just stay quiet, though. Silence would just make this more uncomfortable.]
[Marco isn't sure how to feel about those words. For a brief moment, he swells with hope... but it passes, and he gets the feeling he's just read too much into it.
Can he even date anyone again?]
It's... erm... a strange feeling. Looking back at some of the things I did or said...
Oh, lord no. I wish I could go back to bein' a teenager. Sometimes I think I ought to have just stayed on the farm. Would've made a whole lot of things a lot easier.
[It's a mumble, sincere but guilty - because it's entirely selfish, isn't it? He has a pretty good idea of what Fiddleford means, and yet, he disagrees, because a Fiddleford who stayed back on the farm would be a different man.
An easier man to get over, Marco can only imagine.]
[He doesn't think he'd be so different, but he'd have missed out on a lot of things. A lot of painful things, a lot of things he wishes he'd never experienced in the first place, but also things he holds close to his heart to get him through everything else.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I went to talk to him, y'know. Elias. After. To ask him -- to ask him why. And he said the same thing. That it wasn't so bad. He didn't mean it to go how it did at the end but that folks losin' parts of themselves was the plan all along.
no subject
[Despite his best attempts at relaxing, Marco wrings his hands. The conversation is hedging into a territory that makes him incredibly uneasy.]
He-- He doesn't understand. But that doesn't mean he didn't mean well, you and I have both made our mistakes and we've learned from them, like he needs to learn.
[Of course, as usual, he's only trying to find a string of logic than can reaffirm his beliefs.]
... He's just a child, and... and he's been in the position he's in for so long, he's bound to lose sight of things. We just need to make him understand.
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I want to try and make things work but I can't ignore that anymore.
[If he does it's just going to happen again. They're just going to get hurt again. Elias has no reason to listen to them. He has plenty of reasons to want to placate them, sure, but that's not precisely the same thing.]
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The next time Marco speaks up, his voice is quieter.]
Can you... tell me why you think that?
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Well -- well just look at the past couple of months. At all the things he's done. And every time we've said oh, he meant well didn't he, like that makes any of it better, and then nothin' ever changes. It's just -- every man has a line and he's edging up on mine, is all.
no subject
[Marco's mouth hangs open while he searches for some sort of counter-argument. If anything does come to mind, the truth is that he can't piece it together in any way that would make sense to anybody but him - and that, he has been realising, can be a cause for concern.]
Um...
[He can't just stay quiet, though. Silence would just make this more uncomfortable.]
I understand.
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[He leaves it up to interpretation exactly what 'all of this' refers to, because he isn't sure he's ready to get specific.]
It's good to hear you're feelin' better, though. It really, honestly is. You know how I worry about you.
[That at least he doesn't mind stating outright. He'd worry about Marco as a lover or a friend or even just an employee.]
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Can he even date anyone again?]
It's... erm... a strange feeling. Looking back at some of the things I did or said...
[Who's to say he won't lose it again?]
i figure this is probably good soon
gotcha o7
[Stronger, maybe. More surreal. As if somebody else had been moving his hands.]
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[Haha. Ha. Mmmm.]
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[It's a mumble, sincere but guilty - because it's entirely selfish, isn't it? He has a pretty good idea of what Fiddleford means, and yet, he disagrees, because a Fiddleford who stayed back on the farm would be a different man.
An easier man to get over, Marco can only imagine.]
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[He doesn't think he'd be so different, but he'd have missed out on a lot of things. A lot of painful things, a lot of things he wishes he'd never experienced in the first place, but also things he holds close to his heart to get him through everything else.]