[As for the rest... It comes as less of a surprise than if Jataro just said yes, really. But God, it breaks Marco's heart to see the kid talk about himself like that.]
What if I think of you as my friend? You don't have to think of ME as a friend, I understand why you can't But you sound like a good friend. Would it be okay if it isn't mutual?
[He's not going to argue the "ugly" bit. As much as he doubts that's true, he's quite sure it wouldn't be productive to go into it right now, with the way Jataro clings to that belief.]
[How is this an even harder question than the last? Again there's a pause, Jataro trying to sort out how he feels about that, and what to say. Is that okay?? Why is he hesitating on answering, it should be obvious. He wants everyone to hate him, doesn't he?]
i guess you can if you really want i don't know why you'd want to. i don't know how i sound like a good friend because i promise i'm not. i'm really bad. but i guess you'll see that for yourself if you think of me as a friend when i disapoint you. hating me would be better though, you know. if you hate me, then you don't have to worry about thinking of me as a friend, and seeing how wrong you were, and beating yourself up for not hating me in the first place! because i'll mess something up eventually and make you mad or sad, and then you'll really hate me. but i guess this is better too, because if i mess up being a good friend, you'd really REALLY hate me, huh? you'd hate me so much, you'd want me dead, huh? so i guess that's okay...
[It takes him a while to stumble upon something to say. Even then, he isn't sure if it's the RIGHT thing to say.]
I mean look at me. I've made a terrible mistake, probably several, and not everybody hates me. Which is hard for me to wrap my head around, honestly. I've been having a lot of terrible thoughts
Well never mind those thoughts.
What matters is I've been trying to remember it. The fact that people are still offering to help me.
You haven't done anything like I have, so So. Would you at least give yourself a chance?
you're different though! you made mistakes and did wrong things, but you're nice and kind, and you aren't you aren't horrible. or awful. or weird or a freak or ugly, or anything like that. you aren't worthless, like me. people like me should just die. i should just die, you know? i don't want to, because i promised i'd protect shingetsu-kun, but it'd be better if i did. but that's why everyone hates me, and why everyone should hate me. i don't know why shingetsu-kun wants to be my friend. i don't understand it at all. i don't know why he likes me, or treats me differently than even how the other warriors treat me. he doesn't prank me or ignore me or call me names or say mean things to me or anything so... but i want to make him happy, so we're friends.
[And he won't admit it, but he really does want friends. Truthfully, that's why he accepted it.]
but even if we're friends, i know one day i'll mess up. that's all a person like me does. i'm going to say or do something, and then he'll hate me and he'll never want to be my friend again. and it's the same for everyone else. when you have friends you always have to worry about saying and doing the right things. about looking and acting a certain way. i don't want to care about those things. it makes my head hurt and my tummy upset, thinking about it, because i'm not any good at it. i'm not like everyone else. so it's just better if everyone hates me right away! then no one has to feel bad about thinking i could be a good friend.
Jataro, I don't want you dead. Neither does Nagisa. Whoever DOES want that is a monster well you know what I mean
Nagisa is your friend, and he thinks of you as his friend too, I'm sure of it. WE don't have to be friends if you're not comfortable with that I just want you to know I want to help you too.
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no subject
I'll do my best, I promise.
[As for the rest... It comes as less of a surprise than if Jataro just said yes, really. But God, it breaks Marco's heart to see the kid talk about himself like that.]
What if
I think of you as my friend?
You don't have to think of ME as a friend, I understand why you can't
But you sound like a good friend.
Would it be okay if it isn't mutual?
[He's not going to argue the "ugly" bit. As much as he doubts that's true, he's quite sure it wouldn't be productive to go into it right now, with the way Jataro clings to that belief.]
no subject
i
guess you can
if you really want
i don't know why you'd want to.
i don't know how i sound like a good friend because i promise i'm not.
i'm really bad.
but i guess you'll see that for yourself if you think of me as a friend when i disapoint you.
hating me would be better though, you know.
if you hate me, then you don't have to worry about thinking of me as a friend, and seeing how wrong you were, and beating yourself up for not hating me in the first place!
because i'll mess something up eventually and make you mad or sad, and then you'll really hate me.
but i guess this is better too, because if i mess up being a good friend, you'd really REALLY hate me, huh?
you'd hate me so much, you'd want me dead, huh?
so i guess that's okay...
no subject
Isn't Nagisa your friend?
I know this is hard for you to talk about.
But...
[It takes him a while to stumble upon something to say. Even then, he isn't sure if it's the RIGHT thing to say.]
I mean look at me.
I've made a terrible mistake, probably several,
and not everybody hates me.
Which is hard for me to wrap my head around, honestly. I've been having a lot of terrible thoughts
Well never mind those thoughts.
What matters is I've been trying to remember it.
The fact that people are still offering to help me.
You haven't done anything like I have, so
So.
Would you at least give yourself a chance?
no subject
you made mistakes and did wrong things, but you're nice and kind, and you aren't
you aren't horrible. or awful. or weird or a freak or ugly, or anything like that.
you aren't worthless, like me.
people like me should just die.
i should just die, you know?
i don't want to, because i promised i'd protect shingetsu-kun, but it'd be better if i did.
but that's why everyone hates me, and why everyone should hate me.
i don't know why shingetsu-kun wants to be my friend.
i don't understand it at all.
i don't know why he likes me, or treats me differently than even how the other warriors treat me.
he doesn't prank me or ignore me or call me names or say mean things to me or anything so...
but i want to make him happy, so we're friends.
[And he won't admit it, but he really does want friends. Truthfully, that's why he accepted it.]
but
even if we're friends, i know one day i'll mess up.
that's all a person like me does.
i'm going to say or do something, and then he'll hate me and he'll never want to be my friend again.
and it's the same for everyone else.
when you have friends you always have to worry about saying and doing the right things.
about looking and acting a certain way.
i don't want to care about those things.
it makes my head hurt and my tummy upset, thinking about it, because i'm not any good at it.
i'm not like everyone else.
so it's just better if everyone hates me right away!
then no one has to feel bad about thinking i could be a good friend.
no subject
Neither does Nagisa.
Whoever DOES want that is a monster
well you know what I mean
Nagisa is your friend, and he thinks of you as his friend too, I'm sure of it.
WE don't have to be friends if you're not comfortable with that
I just want you to know I want to help you too.
Is that okay?
no subject
you both should
[Why wouldn't you want him dead? Why wouldn't anyone want him dead? Despite saying this though...]
yeah, that's okay.
no subject
Thank you.
[You know, for letting him help. Marco feels like that alone means SOMETHING.]